Here is how, in my imagination, Trump would pen his Statement of Purpose for admission into a business school. What is advisable is that you read it aloud, in Trump’s voice and with his antics.
“I love business, nobody loves business more than I do. But I like education better. You know, sitting in classes for long hours, listening to the teacher go blah blah blah, taking notes from the class topper (because he/she wouldn’t be relevant otherwise anyways, except on the day before exam, these nerds, I tell you) and giving exams. I love it. In fact if you ask me to do school all over again, I would do it. You know I can, everyone knows I can, because I can.
My father Fred, who was a wonderful guy, perhaps the best man I have ever known, didn’t leave me much. Whatever the haters and the radical left and the Clinton funded fake news tell you, he only left me a few million dollars. Real estate, since I have no other way of putting it, has really been my thing and my thing only, and if you doubt that, then just take a ride across Fifth Avenue in New York City to find out how. The libtards and the radical left never really appreciate me for all that, but that’s because they’re fake news, and I ask all of my fellow American people to go down to Fifth Avenue and see for yourself what a great businessman I really am.
Apart from real estate, I’ve been in the entertainment industry, you know, the American entertainment industry, which is, believe me, the absolute best in the world. It never gets better than in America. I’ve been to a lot other shithole countries and I’ve never seen anything like they have in America, believe me. I’ve run a TV show called the Apprentice which has had terrific ratings, probably the best rated show in American television history, and I have also starred in several movies. I was in Home Alone 2 alongside Macaulay Culkin. Whatever happened to that kid! Look at him then and look at me now. I was also in Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps alongside the one and only Gordon Gekko, played by that terrible loser of an actor Michael Douglas. If I had a few more minutes on screen, I would have won the Oscar, but you know Hollywood, it’s filled with the haters and radical left liberals who hate conservative voices and shut us down all the time.
I’ve also been on the World Wrestling Entertainment because I firmly believe that there is no such thing as bad publicity. I fought that loser and low-life Vince McMahon, who would never have the ratings like he does without me, and I defeated him, believe me. It was me against those big brawly wrestlers and I won, like I always do.
I even owned the Miss Universe and Miss USA beauty pageants, and believe me, it was the best experience of my life, because I love women, nobody loves women more than I do. You could ask my buddy Hugh Hefner, but he’s dead, but he would tell you it’s true, because it’s true, believe me, nobody loves and cares for women for than I do.
I have also written thousands of books and have been hailed as perhaps the greatest business writer ever, in the history of business and finance. My book Art of The Deal absolutely destroyed the charts for decades, and will for centuries, you never know. The haters and the fake news liberals try telling you that it was ghost-written by Tony Schwartz, but what do they know about ghosts, ghosts don’t even exist.
Hence I believe that this business school will benefit greatly by admitting me into their new class, because I will prove to be a priceless asset for them and also because, I’m like, really smart and stable, because I greatly love my land America, which I’ll make great again, because it is the land of the free because of the brave, for people like me. If this business school fails to admit me, then well, I have a university of my own and believe me, I’ll bring you down because my university is like, crazy good and the best.”
– Slowhand